Inappropriate Conversation

My 5 Favorite Atlanta Coffee Houses

 

This post was going to be titled “5 Reasons I Can’t Meet You for Coffee” in response to the barrage of emails I get from people I’ve never met who want me to meet them for coffee to “go over their book idea.” Believe me, you do not want to have coffee with me. For one, I look nothing like my author photo. I’m freakishly photogenic sometimes. Consider the following two completely legitimate pictures taken just days apart:

 

 

 

This picture at right was taken at the KingSized Elvis Royale Show a few years ago:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This picture at left was taken about a month later. THIS, by the way, is how I look in the morning, which is when coffee is commonly consumed. THIS is what you would get if I met you for coffee. (And I have not even mentioned the halitosis.)

 

 

 

So I won’t meet you for coffee. I have an actual office, actually, where I meet people who want to pick my brain for a few hours. Those people fall into two categories; “my clients” and “my workshop students,” both pay me in actual currency, not coffee. So instead I will tell you my 5 favorite coffee houses in Atlanta. I migrate from one to the other fairly consistently. Maybe you will run into me. You know what I really look like now. And if you make me listen to your idea for a book, and if it’s any good at all, I promise to listen politely, then do my best to rip it off and sell it under my own name.

Drip in Glenwood Park — Hal, the owner, makes a mean grilled egg-and-cheese croissant for cheap.

Java Vino in Poncey Highlands — they put three shots of espresso in each cappuccino. I drink one and I can bend metal with my brain.

Stone Soup Kitchen in Grant Park — More of a coffee shop than a coffee house, but that’s the appeal.  I love it there.

Java Lords in Little Five Points — Super funky and the barristas can create the most amazing images in the milk foam (“I’ll take Duchamp’s Nude Descending a Staircase, please!”)

Aurora in Virginia Highlands (and L5P) — I used to work here when it originally opened in the early nineties. The then-owners treated me like radioactive dog crap, and I would really like to hate the place but their coffee is so faacking magical. Thank God I no longer have to risk running into the four original owners who used to run the place like Fleetwood Mac overdosed on Ambien.

 

 

5 Thoughts on “My 5 Favorite Atlanta Coffee Houses

  1. Since I know you, I know the deal is meeting for cocktails n not coffee

  2. Yeah, your workshop is on my lists of shit I gotta do, soon. Until then I just buy your books, and follow your happy as on the Facebook. And hey, you’ve sold your books, I haven’t so I would be more inclined to let you buy the coffee!

  3. When this post leads to you being hounded out of all your favorite spots, you can graduate to Kavarna in Oakhurst, where you can bond with other recovering Auroraphiles
    .

  4. Hollis damnit!
    You failed on two counts:
    #1- You were supposed to agree to coffee with peeps for $500.00 per hour. Remember?
    #2- You tell me that coffee at Sister Louisa’s Cloistered Convent is the best! WTF!!!
    Didn’t EVEN make runner up?

  5. Hollis on March 13, 2013 at 1:30 am said:

    It was $500 per CUP! Not hour! Them’s high-end hooker prices.
    Sister Louisa’s Convent does have the best coffee, but I thought that was your secret lair. I didn’t know I was supposed to publicize it.

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